Follow The Black Wolf

I wanted you to wait I wanted to discuss . What happens if it's negative . What happens if it's positive . Wait and look together . Most probably it would have been negative, just like it proved to be. But the discussion would have been much more important. Now I believe the second test will be positive.

I care of HOW you are. I care of WHERE you are. I care to know you are OK. That you are SAFE. You've got what to eat, a roof above your head.

When I said I accept you having this guy as a friend to mentor you, I meant THAT. Why would you cook him something, then take it to him, then LIE to me about it? How and why should I believe you did cook something for him and take it to his place? How do I know you didn't just go over there and... well? What if in ten years you just tell me... You know, I didn't cook anything. I just went there and sought refuge in his arms. And not only his arms... I didn't want you to cook for me. I didn't want you to cook, it wasn't an expectation when I met you. Because I believed you would start cooking for me out of love. Or caring. Or tell it however you want. But you started to cook for me/us out of "must". "Have to". "Should". And you cooked FOR him just because he's what? A friend? You don't cook for your husband but you cook for a "FRIEND"? came home to an empty home. so many calls, no answer. came home to an empty home.

I'm not good enough. maybe I shouldn't have existed at all. I'm not good enough. I was never good enough for you. You are busy with someone else. You are busy with anyone else. 27.01 I'm not good enough at anything. I'm not good enough at hugging you. I'm not good enough at listening to you. I'm not good enough at kissing you. I'm not good enough at helping you with the kids. I'm not good enough at trying to understand you. I'm not good enough at providing support. I'm not good enough at holding you in my arms. I'm not good enough at healing you. I'm not good enough at comforting you. I'm not good enough at sleeping beside you. I'm not good enough at fingering you. I'm not good enough at giving you massages. I'm not good enough at licking your boobs. I'm not good enough at licking your pussy. I'm not good enough at making love. I'm not good enough at having sex. I was never...

DO NOT bring HIM into this house. HIS ideas, HIS influence.

You went to the gym, I stayed with the kids. What exactly did you do after I dropped you off? Where were you when I called, 6 hours later? How did you get so close to home so fast? Who did you spend time with, until then? I like it that you have so many friends, I don't like it that you have that many friends. I like that you are so, but I hate that you ask so many questions (hate the questions or the way of asking?). I like it that you spend time with your friends, I hate that you'd rather spend time with your friends and not your husband / kids / loved ones. Am I a loved one? Part of them, of that circle? (Apparently not - I don't love you anymore) I like that you can talk about many things, I hate it that you're not doing that with me. Although, maybe if you'd do that, I might want to "save" you, so better not. You need therapy and I support it. But still, you seldom came to me. Probably I hate more the fact that I'm not the one come fir...

... 6 in the morning, on a Saturday ... ... the key turning in the door ... ... a paper slip ... ... his name on it ... ... brought you home? ... ... paid for the cab? ... remember, remember, the 25th of november the longest night when I slept. next time I won't be sleeping.

Actually yeah, I think I'm mad because this was the last weekend without having the kids around, that we could've spent time together. And I don't feel like we spent time together. And it hurt like hell that you were out for a whole freaking day, no sign whatsoever. And after that? You just appear, "saving the world", starting to "solve" things around the house. Like all my efforts, ALL ALONE, were just... dust in the wind... Worst than all that? You started saving the world past midnight... Wanna do something together? That should be simple - yes or no... If you do, what's missing? What do you need more? Wanna see a movie? Let's just f#cking watch it... But if you only agree to stuff just for the sake of it, just to save the appearances, I'd rather not. That's falsity and I neither want it, nor tolerate it.